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I'm only 17 years old but I have dealt with all kinds of negativity in my life so far. It can be from the silliest of things, like in middle school when someone says they don't like your outfit. You know, just the usual trivial things to try and make oneself feel better. However lately, things have started to take a change.
It's my senior year and everyone has been freaking out about that big scary word...COLLEGE. It's hard for anyone to believe that it's actually our turn now, we are the top dogs in the school! Most people are stressing over everything, like making sure you get reference letters from teachers, creating the perfect resume that show's off all the community service you were in, and to me the most scary is the SAT's.
The SAT's were the worst part to me, everyone around me was complaining how they couldn't get the scores to be in the top percent of their school. Here I am barely making my math score average (the first time I took it I was far below average). I would go home every night and just breakdown believing that a college wouldn't accept me just because of one score (which in some cases might be the case, but in mine I don't think it will). I made sure to put a major focus on the essay or personal statements I wrote for the colleges, so that I could prove to them that I was right for their school. I started to realize that one test cannot define all of the hard work I've put into my high school career, and just my whole life up until this point. I had to take a step back and realize that I need to stop being so negative about myself and realize that their are other characteristics that will help me out. That's what I tell everyone to do, I want everyone to see that there are things about themselves that set them apart from the person next to them.
They just need to see it.
Even with all that said, I still constantly battle with negativity. It's always been in the back of my head, but lately it seems like its moved up to the front of my head and taken control. In September I learned that my boyfriend of almost a year cheated on me, and then broke up with me. I was devastated, I never thought he was that kind of guy and it broke my heart. I'd never felt that pain before, and it hurt so much worse because it came from someone who meant the world to me. But with teenage heartbreak (as much as I still hate to say it) you just have to forget and move on. There's no point in dwelling in the past if there's nothing you can do to fix it. I still to this day have had problems dealing with it, I'm ashamed to say that many insecurities have developed since then that I've never thought about before. I used to take pride in the fact that I fully accepted the way I was and loved it. I know that as a teenage girl in today's society that's not really achievable. Their are always things that happen everyday that will test you and try to destroy you. I just remind myself that I wasn't fully happy, and I don't deserve someone that will choose another girl over me. I deserve someone that ONLY wants me, and no one else. I want every single girl to know that, but I know in just looking at girls in my school, that they don't. A lot of girls believe they can never get anyone better than that person, because they love them. Well my new belief on that is that yes you love that person, but if they hurt you that bad they may not love you as much. Instead of telling my ex-boyfriend that I could never replace him, I said "you will never again find someone like me, someone who loved you more than anything". And yes that may have been a little self conscientious but it was something that needed to be said. When he cheated on me he lost me forever, no girl should have to deal with someone with wandering eyes. Every girl on this planet deserves someone who loves them and will never hurt them. Just know that you need to find a guy that respects you for you, and realizes what he could lose.
Last year I really struggled with one thing in particular, and it was one of my friends. I spent the majority of my day with her as we took the same classes, so I always grouped with her and I would always talk to her. She would always tell me of her woes, which at the time was fine because that's what friends do. However, It got to a point where it was only her talking and I could hardly get a word in edge wise. It also very quickly morphed into how her life was so awful and took on a "poor me" act. I especially started to get frustrated when she would only ever have negative comments toward EVERYTHING. It was like oh look at that kitten it's so cute and she would say no its too fluffy or no that's not cute at all. It would just be over silly everyday things that would get on my nerves. I put up with it for most of the year, until the last few months. Our mutual friends and even an advisor talked to me and started saying that they don't know how I could handle being around all that negativity all the time. That made me stop and think, how do I do it? That's when I realized that I had also turned into a negative person, I may not have been voicing my negativity all the time but it was constantly on my mind. That's when I realized I needed to make a big change in my life, I needed to be more positive because that would make me happier and much healthier. I stopped spending so much time with her and started spending time around much more positive people, I was happier more and I found myself not thinking such dark thoughts anymore. I realize that high school is an easy place to get caught up in all that negativity but I want everyone else to know that you can control how much it effects you. You can choose to step away from it all and make more positive decisions. I want everyone to realize how much better it can make them, I want everyone to be happy with themselves and the people around them.
Hope this was able to teach you something new, or just to help you through something! I really just wanted to get all my thoughts out by writing, it honestly does make you feel better!
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